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Due to inflation, a picture is now only worth 700 words.
Imagine how freaked out the first human must of been on the first sneeze.
All I ask is that if we arm the teachers, that the librarians get silencers.
For $60, this printer ink had better be hand squeezed out of endangered squids.
You better not pout, you better not cry, you better not shout I`m telling you why...we have our own problems and nobody cares about yours.
i dont like ling distance relationships so i move the fridge to my room
If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side.
Teacher: Why are you late!? Me: There was a man who lost a $100 bill..Teacher: That’s nice. Were you helping him look for it? Me: No, I was standing on it until he f*cked off.
If he pauses a video game to text you, he`s probably already losing, no need to feel special or anything,
There`s a warning light on my dashboard of a vague exclamation point. It`s like when my girlfriend was mad at me and she wouldn`t say why.
I`m only materialistic when I shop at the liquor store.
Man cannot live on bread alone ... hence beer and stuff.
That weirdo that comes into bars and tries to sell roses would make a lot more money if he sold tacos.
Car alarms should sound like two chicks in a fight. I`d look out the window for that.
Didn`t think my day could get any better but my robe has pockets so boom, there you go.