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I feel so stupid for cashing in my retirement account early. But then I always feel stupid using the Coinstar machine.
Subway is the only place I can walk in and ask for a 12 inch Italian and not feel like a slut.
Happy Elastic Waistband Day
Today`s Generation: "Omg my parents never let me have anything." via iPhone
Sociologists say that social media is creating the laziest generation ever. I expressed my opinion in great detail by hitting the “Like” button.
No Shirt No Shoes No Service. What about pants?
What if your soulmate is over there on Twitter while you`re here on Facebook?
It’s getting really annoying how eating makes you gain weight..
I had this awesome dream last night where Facebook went down and most of you went on a killing spree.
R.I.P. 2013 (2013-2013)
I`m Dave, or as the ladies like to call me... "Hey, you! Behind the bushes!"
Of all the possible utensils that could have been invented to eat rice with... How did 2 sticks win out!?
You washed your hands? Be honest. Your hands washed each other, and you just watched like a sick freak.
When I think of all the money I`ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!
I scream. You scream. The police come ... It`s awkward ;)