Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Hair pulling during sex is hot ... unless the whole wig comes off.
If it hurts when you pee, urine trouble.
I think the guy who invented the word kumquats should have gotten to name more stuff!
Anyone that tells you money is the root of all evil is f*cking broke.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with pretty daughters do.
I`ll be a morning person when it`s Christmas.
I accidentally had two energy drinks today and now my house is decorated for Christmas.
A leaf blower, but for people.
Maybe the cost of a barrel of oil wouldn’t be so expensive if Donkey Kong didn’t waste thousands of them in the `80s throwing them at Mario.
My hearing is fine. There`s no need to repeat yourself! I ignored you perfectly well the first time.
If I knew how to backflip, I`d never walk anywhere.
I`m not worried about the zombie apocalypse that is coming. I`m worried about the fcuktard apocalypse that is here right now.
It`s funny how we all sleep differently. I sleep on my side, my roommate sleeps on his back. My ex sleeps with everybody. That sort of thing.
My friend`s Jeep was broken into and she acted so surprised about it. Your car is held together by zippers! It`s as secure as my pants.
If you knew how many trips to the bathroom every phone has taken, you’d never, ever, ever, ever, ever touch somebody else’s phone. Ever.