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I hope the meteorite crash in Russia doesn`t affect the price of Vodka!
So the other day a girl asked me to Facebook her, needless to say she wasn`t to happy after I hit her in the face with a book
It`s 2014, people. Isn`t it about time we put an end to all this `wake up in the morning and go to work` nonsense?
North West? Im confused i thought Kim Kardashian gave birth to a child not a compass
Sorry to burst your bubble, but your waiter doesn`t really think your choice was excellent.
To understand paranoid people better, follow them around. Observe them. Write down notes.
Give me a fish & I`ll cook you dinner. Teach me to fish & I`ll just be sitting there in the boat with you getting drunk.
What I lack in good decisions, I make up for in inappropriate behavior.
Finally in bed. No better time to start thinking about every possible thing that has or ever could happen.
My wife complains about everything I do. It`s like she doesn`t know there are "Sexy singles in my area" that want to meet with me.
A panda never pays his bills, because he eats shoots and leaves!!!
I hate when the remote is way over there
If you can`t handle me at my worst, then that sucks because that`s all there is to me.
So apparently I`ve been Googling `Asian Prom` this whole time. I watched like seven videos before I realized they weren`t going to bang.
It`s spooky how many kids look like their owners.