Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t care about your status...
My coworkers should be less concerned about my job performance and just be happy I remember to wear pants each day.
Match dot com, but for socks.
My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying ~ don`t run into anyone you know.
How to meet a girl: 1) Walk into a bar. 2) Shout “Heroes in a half shell.” 3) When a girl yells back “Turtle Power,” marry her.
Helped my kid pick out a "famous past explorer" for a class assignment. Hope no one else in her class picks Internet Explorer 6.
Any fool can use a computer ... Many do
I`m no different than any other bachelor. I put my pants on one leg at a time and clean the house once every new girlfriend.
I wish people would stop judging me before they find out how much of an a$$hole I actually am.
Every time I see a pregnant woman, I very much want to ask if she swallowed a watermelon seed.
My wife asked me what new hairstyle she should get, so I held my breath until I passed out.
Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Hell Yes.
Opposites attract, that`s the trouble with being awesome
It`s all rainbows and sunshine until he breaks your heart, then it`s voodoo dolls and arson reports.
My credit score is so bad I have started receiving pre-declined credit card offers