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It`s true alcohol kills people, but how many are born because of it?
To the guys complaining about lack of sex from their woman: supply & demand. Supply better product, they`ll demand it more. -Bfanch
Adding "just sayin" to a smart-a$$ed comment makes you even more of an a$$hole. Just sayin
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with pretty daughters do.
Guys, Everyone. Listen. I`m going to say two words that will change your lives. Pizza Tacos. I know. Just breath.
Walmart calls them self checkouts, I call them I might not pay for some of this.
Some people have goals of conquering the world! My goal is to sleep through the night without having to get up and pee!
There are no problems which cannot be solved through suitable applications of high explosives.
My parents preferred my imaginary friend over me.
If Wyle E Coyote had enough cash to buy all that ACME stuff why didn’t he just buy dinner?
It´s Friday!! yea! Oh sorry, I was just practicing.
It’s not you. It’s my ears. They just make you sound so boring and dull.
There`s no hiding it, my ex sucks at school... And in cars, alleys, and public restrooms...
You think you love your family but suddenly there`s three of you and one remaining slice of pizza.
Be nice to people on your way up so they won’t get suspicious when you’re rich and you invite them to your island to hunt them for sport.