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The real trouble with reality is that there´s no background music
Relatives - Because sometimes you need reminding of your bad genes too.
Thank you Lord for this delicious meal we are about to Instagram.
My Bills are so big that I have to call them William now.
Sarcasm is like a good game of chess. Most people don`t know how to play chess.
Just one more drink and then I`m outta here" is one of my favorite lies.
Can you imagine being cryogenically frozen and waking up 100 years later? Your hairstyle would be so outdated, how embarrassing.
Is bloodletting still in use today? Just thinking...I know a couple of people here that may be in need of some bloodletting
Take time to reflect upon your day. Think of all the blessings you received, and everything you may be called to testify about :)))
Apparently putting alka seltzers in my pockets while getting baptized and pretending I`m possessed by the devil is not funny.
My girlfriend isn`t much of a wrestler but you should see her box!!
"Nothing there? Better bark at it." - my dog
Not to brag, but most of the problems that take Dora the Explorer 30 minutes to figure out, I can solve in like 18-20 minutes.
They`re having a Jamaican hair-do day tomorrow at work. I`m dreading it.
People who think only god can judge them have obviously never hung out with my friends.