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There is no "we" in "bacon", so don`t even ask.
New Years Eve. It takes 24,367 bolts to put a car together and only 1 nut to spread it all over the road, please don`t drink and drive and become the nut
I hate when beggars rattle their cup full of coins at me. Yes i know! You have more money than me, you don`t have to rub it in..
My phone just changed, `calendar` to `cake radar` and now I really wish I had that.
Did you know that running for just 10 minutes a day raises your risk of posting inspirational quotes by 63%?
I have NEVER faked a sarcasm in my life ;)
Don’t be upset that you’re single; be happy that someone isn’t ruining your life.
You know it’s cold outside when you go outside and it’s cold.
I`m starting to doubt that all of the people in this singing group are called Carol.
I’m glad MTV has shows like Teen Mom 3 so girls have good role models besides Miley.
I just went into an AOL chat room to ask someone how to start a fire with sticks.
If it wasn`t for pizza delivery, you wouldn`t see me shoveling a walkway.
The real fountain of youth is to have a dirty mind and a naughty smile.
If our phones were really smart, they would tell us to get off of Facebook and do something meaningful or constructive with our lives.
What I’m really looking for in a friend is loyalty. And a pool. Mainly just a pool.