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Can`t wait to be full of Christmas beer! I mean cheer. No, I definitely mean beer.
I heard lots of bongo noises coming from my loft last night. It sounded very Drum Attic.
Grey Goose and Red Bull, because two sets of wings is better than one.
If you allow your pets to roam free in our neighborhood, I’m gonna put party hats on em. This is non-negotiable.
I don`t have a drinking problem, I just celebrate everything! Like the fact that shirts have armholes, I`ll be celebrating that tonight.
Patience is what parents have when there are witnesses.
Do they have to play movies so loud at the theatre? I litterally have to scream into my phone.
The sound of children laughing makes me happy. Unless I`m home alone and my power goes out.
Press 1 for someone who probably learned English last month, but is going to try and communicate effectively with you anyway.
Why,does facebook want to make the likes one gets on their status like a story,like:peter and 500 others like this,click and see james and 499 others like this............
I just heard "Eye of the Tiger" and now I`m motivated to conquer the world. Or at least get out of my pajamas.
Do you really have to breath that much?
Never underestimate the power of cleavage.
You know that button in the elevator with the fireman´s hat on it... turns out that is not the button you press to get a fireman´s hat.
I always write `wake up` on my to-do-list so I can at least accomplish one thing a day