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If a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
According to Tetley the best way to make a cup of tea is to agitate the bag so i slap her arse and shout "cup ot tea fatty"
Some days your the bug; some days your the windshield.
Just pour the coffee and back away slowly.
Double-Stuffed Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.
Men would be way more excited about cleaning if spray bottles made a laser noise.
Based on commercials, every single car has won car of the year.
Bored? Text "Our condom broke." to a random number
What would I give the woman who has everything? Well, my phone number for a start.
Every time I`m around my mother in law, I wonder who is running hell in her absence.
Guys be like, "Lets play 21 question." Girl: Ok, what`s your favorite color? Boy: Triangle, so you a virgin?
I would know if I was insane, the voices would tell me.
If women kept their feelings to themselves would they explode? Guess we`ll never know.
There`s a pretty good chance I`ll end up being one of those senior citizens who randomly bites people...
Why do people freak out about dolphins getting caugh in tuna nets? What about the tuna?