Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I am the reason why Waldo is hiding.
By 5, the human child can walk and feed itself, but doesn`t yet stray from home, as it relies on parents for tablet charging and maintenance
My wife even says "NO" in her sleep. The force is strong with this one.
Sorry but if these walls could talk I`m pretty sure they`d talk about wall things and not whatever scandal you`re blowing out of proportion.
Googling ways to dispose of a body, mostly to freak out the douche behind me who keeps staring at my laptop screen
*Gets absolutely nothing done*… Welp time for a break.
Zoos would be cooler if you had to fight each animal before you could see the next one.
Truth is, it’s not a “long story”… I’m just too damn lazy to explain it.
Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
Some dude was bragging about his brother being a navy seal and it`s like...I don`t care what colour he is, why is your brother a seal
It`s like my bank account doesn`t understand me at all.
A man in front of me at Walmart is buying a pregnancy test. I bet this is the one time in his life he wishes she had sent him for tampons!
I don’t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
I automatically classify anything over $5 as expensive.
Just killed a cricket at work, and, long story short, I`m now being asked to audition for Riverdance.