Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My neck, My back, My Netflix and my snacks...
Do you think that the guy who invented the vibrator heard voices saying, "if you build it they will come"?
If we learned anything from the Mayans, it’s that if you don’t finish something, it’s not the end of the world
So after an hour of playing Paper, Rock, Scissors, we decided to call it a tie. Good game, mirror!
Strangers are like birds. If you run at them screaming and waving your arms they will run away.
Not to brag, but they know me by name at the liquor store and the police station.
Hey! Wanna make $$$$$$ fast? Just follow my simple instructions. 1:Hold down the Shift key 2:Press the number 4 six times. It’s that easy.
Why does `beans` only mean secret when it`s "Don`t spill the beans?" Why can`t I say I have a dirty little beans to tell you?
You know you`re getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.
I have an eating disorder; I`m about to eat dis order of fries, dis order of wings, and dis order of nuggets.
I do everything faster when I have to pee.
If you`re confident enough, every zoo is a petting zoo.
I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup, and just took probably the biggest vowel movement ever
If the Sahara Desert had a motto it would be "Long time, no sea."
Today is boozeday, I mean Tuesday...same difference!