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I`m getting a mistletoe tramp stamp.
How to find the perfect husband: Play monopoly with him. if he chooses the iron, he`s the one
¦It’s time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
Health tip: There`s never a `safe` time to shake a teenage boy`s hand. Never.
If you`re going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
Why is it when you go to get your drivers license photo, they tell you to smile. Your not smiling when the police pull you over.
This town is about as exciting as watching an M&M melt in the sun.
Being able to eat while watching Hannibal makes you more of a psychopath than anyone on the show.
I can`t remember if I have any repressed memories.
I just lost another hour trying to figure out how to reset the clock in my car.
That mind-blowing moment when you realize chores were really the crap your parents didn’t want to do.
I don`t know why I even bother chewing corn.
I’m drinking something. I`ll give you a hint: It starts with a B and rhymes with....um..... “beer.”
Admit it, we all have that special someone we`d visit if given a tank to drive for a day
Oh, honey, you have gone beyond muffin top. That`s a busted can of biscuits!