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Girls who say "alot of guys are after me" should keep in mind that cheap things always attract many customers.
I spend most of my money on beer and cigarettes.. The rest I just waste.
Look UPS guy, you can`t just show up at someone`s house unannounced and expect them to have pants on.
There is a fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”
When you have a lot, you have hair. When you only have a few, you have hairs.
I would like to give thanks to the brave men and women who died a long time ago tasting which plants were edible and which plants were not.
Turns out fantasy football is nothing like I thought it would be. Anyone interested in a naughty quarterback outfit? Serious inquiries only.
I always read my girlfriend’s horoscope to see what kind of day I’m going to have.
Sorry, I can’t today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandfather’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died, and yes, it was tragic.
I really need a day inbetween Saturday an Sunday
Hoodie Footie Pajamas from Pajamagram; because nothing tells a girl you love her like giving her something to cover up her body from head to toe before she gets in your bed.
If Olympic drinking was an event I would probably take gold in the floor routine.
I am a Mother hear me roar.....especially when my kids decide to make a kite out of my granny panties and fly it down the street.
Is your family tree a cactus? Because everyone on it is a prick.
Nobody looks back at their life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.