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You never really know a woman, until she takes you to court.
This salad is delicious, probably because it`s a donut.
Apparently there`s enough room in my mouth to put more than one foot.
I typed bitch into my GPS and guess what? I`m in your drive way. Vroom, vroom mother f*%ker.
Apparently not checking the mail is not a valid excuse for not paying your bills. The more you know.
That annoying feeling when you finally downloaded the movie you wanted to watch and BOOM!... It`s in French. #F**kYouFrance
i know how to shutup.I just don`t know when.
Life is like a box of chocolates. They never last as long for fat people.
I don`t think the lady who just shushed a baby in the library knows how babies work
Whoever invented the 5 day work week and 2 day weekend can suck my a**!
Do you ever wake up and kiss someone next to you and appreciate being alive? I did this and was chased out of the bus
Do you have to water a Pointsettia or do they die on their own?
I got a new high score today ... Sadly, it was on my bathroom scale
Trying to remain humble but Iām the most famous person in my living room right now.
If zombies attack the world, everyone will run and hide. Except for us gamers, of course. We`ve been waiting for this all our lives!