Daily Silly Status

Waiting to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I`m describing him.

Yes, your opinion matters ... But not to me.

We live in a society that`s the most knowledgeable about a zombie apocalypse, but the most likely to be eaten while staring at our phones.

Pain makes you stronger. Tears make you braver. A broken heart makes you wiser. And alcohol makes you not remember any of that sh!t.

I`d rather have my arms fall off than make two trips carrying in groceries.

After a certain point, the `F` on the thermometer no longer stands for Fahrenheit.

So many people are making history right now. but me, I`m deleting history from my browser.

Sometimes I think my job is actually a hidden-camera game show where they see how much absurd bullshit I’ll put up with before I catch on.

If my fridge had glass doors I would still stand there and hold the door open.

I wish I could get excited as a redneck drinking cheap beer and watching cars go around in circles for hours.

I found a real money maker in selling homing pigeons....... So far this month I sold mine 4 times.

I wouldn`t consider myself someone that litters but I do turn on my windshield wipers while im driving down the road to get rid of that useless flyer some idiot put on my car when I quickly run into the store.

And the day after Christmas has revealed that the holiday is just an elaborate ruse to get you home to fix your parents computer problems.

thinks it would be great if we really burped bubbles when we were drunk .. just like in cartoons.

I wish tanning beds could pop you out like a toaster when you`re finished.