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So you`ll be able to buy Girl Scout Cookies online this year ... Your move Weight Watchers
For every bad idea you have, I’m always there to tell you…I’m in.
The beauty of vodka is that it looks like water. The beauty of the workplace is that water bottles are allowed.
I love hearing rumors about me...that`s how I find out what I`ve been doing.
I get you, anti-evolution people. I`m too lazy to learn science too.
The male version of a tramp stamp should be called a douche tag.
You know those people who get all excited and lovey with puppies at pet stores? Same. But I`m in a liquor store.
the real full form of M.B.A....Married But Available
As your best friend, I swear to always pretend to be your lesbian lover when you are getting hit on by an ulgy ass hole in a bar.
This bar doesn’t know it yet, but it’s about to be karaoke night.
My friend told me his girlfriend talks a lot in her sleep..Apparently "I know" was not the right answer...
If you`ve never baked pot brownies in an Easy Bake Oven... then you`ve never wrote an apology letter to your sister with an Etch A Sketch.
One thing that I have never had in the glove box of my car, is a pair of gloves.
If women kept their feelings to themselves would they explode? Guess we`ll never know.
Whoever made up the saying "It`s the thought that counts" never got a pair of crocs for Christmas.