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The voices in my head tell me not to listen to the voices in my head, and now I don`t know who to listen to anymore
The Bible is pretty accurate...Especially when thrown at close range.
It saddens me to think that I`ll never be able to watch my own a$$ as I walk away :(
My bank statement is just a visual record of bad decisions
When you are on a first date and she says to you: “I want you to treat me like a movie star,” it is vitally important to establish which type of movie.
is deep in thought . . . if only i could remember what i was thinking about
Facebook prank #23 Go in everynight and change your birthday to the next day...then see how long it takes for people to catch on....
The wrong time to have a seizure is probably during a Harlem Shake Video.
Facebook has suggested that I POKE you.
is currently amending my "Who gets money" list when I win the lottery ... who has something nice to say?
I want the time management skills of people who effortlessly carve out entire hours to be offended by every single thing on the internet.
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with the hope that it might magically solve her problems.
I hate people who take drugs......like the police.
My parents weren`t exercising all of those nights.
If your parachute doesn`t deploy, you have the rest of your life to fix it.