Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and ten million dollars.
Why is it so hard to find a woman who loves me for me and not the person I lied and manipulated her into thinking I am?
Sometimes I say stuff without even meaning to be funny and I`m like "Man, my subconsicious is hilarious!"
Friends are like boobs... Some are real some are fake.
Do you ever go on youtube just to watch a music video then 5 hours later you find yourself watching a tutorial on how to talk to a giraffe?
It should cost $10 to leave someone a voicemail.
Don`t ask me stupid questions and I won`t hurt your stupid feelings.
The worst thing about rich people is I`m not one of them.
I can`t tell if I`m really nice but secretly an a$$hole or an a$$hole but secretly really nice.
You can tell by a woman`s feet how she feels about you. If they are behind her ears, she likes you.
Anyone know where I can get a waterproof recliner for my shower?
So much to do and so few alibis.
This oatmeal tastes like I`m gonna need a doughnut.
I like calling the Psychic Hotline and asking them what I`m wearing.
I just don`t think a partridge in a pear tree would make a great gift