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How weird was the first robber to wear pantyhose on his face
The good thing about being tall is, you can`t get lost in a crowd. The bad thing is, you can`t get lost in a crowd.
Forgot to make resolutions? Just write out everything you did New Years Eve and at the beginning add the word "stop."
If you really want to get under someone`s skin these days, just leave them a voicemail.
Oh, you think you have relationship problems? Try separating me from my bed in the morning...
Chili for breakfast. Cause I hate my Co-workers.
I don`t know why friends and family keep getting pregnant when I have two kids right here they can have.
If you’re happy and you know it, you’re probably exhausting to be around.
I wish computer companies would design a keyboard with a removable crumb tray, kinda like my toaster.
If I haven`t offended you, just scroll thru my timeline. It`s in there.
If you like to make love while listening to music, always choose a live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
I quit my job with the Dept of Corrections. That place was like a prison...
My wife told me to get a real job or pack my bags! She must be losing it! Who threatens someone with a vacation?
gave up trying to understand women years ago. Women understand women and they hate each other.
FACT: The higher pitched my "hey!" the greater the chance I don`t remember who you are.