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Why are people sad when potatoes can be cooked in like 200 ways?
Setting my coffee maker to `stun`
Thanks to this huge spider web I just walked into, we can now add the neighbors to the list of people that have seen me naked.
You look like you only got about 5 of your 8 hours of beauty sleep last night...
My wife sure is picky for someone who married me.
My wife hasnt stopped looking through the window since it started raining. If it gets worse, I might have to let her back in...
Fire at will! Oh, it`s you, Bob! Fire at Bob!"
I`m just wondering what the employees at the Weather Channel make small talk about.
That`s disgusting! (unless you`re up for it?)
Anyone else think there should be a sarcasm font?
Adam Levine beating me out for sexiest man contest is complete bullsh*t.
Thinking " What would happen if the whole world farted at once and a person lit a lighter?"
Before I lose my phone, end up naked, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Independence Day.
When I see someone yawn, I yawn. I wish it was the same with exercising....
2015 and I still can`t believe it`s not butter!