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My eye problems starts on Mondays and ends on Friday evening. I see clearer after the fourth bottle.
Guinness for breakfast because its Ireland somewhere.
When I become president I will make Monday a part of the weekend.
"Let`s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise" - sports fans
Some people want to get in shape before they go to a gym. Which is the equivalent of losing weight so you can go on a diet
Stop complaining about being single!!, we have bigger problems here. Like why McDonalds don`t serve breakfast after 10:30 -.-
I like dating chicks with kids, because fruity snacks
My son got one of those `Stop Bullying` wristbands. he took it away from a fat little ginger kid.
I should win an Oscar for acting like I`m busy at work.
I see you posted a photograph of snow with the caption "it`s cold" could you tell me more about that
When life throws you curveballs, swing at those motherf*ckers like Stevie Wonder with a lightsaber.
"Iowa man arrested after fight over peanut butter and jelly sandwiches" - I`m just gonna assume this is 1 of you guys
It’s people that give drinking a bad name.
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don`t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!
I’ve found that I can usually judge how hot a woman is by how many times my girlfriend calls her a whore.