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(For women only) Wants to go on the Maury Povich show and hear, "You are NOT the mother!"
Every time i see a person kneeling over tying their shoe, i run up behind them and hop over them to try and get a game of leapfrog going.
Thought I had $707 in my bank account, turns out it was "LOL" and I was holding my statement upside down.
Top uses for Golf Balls: 1. Describing hail storms 2. Describing tumors 3. Playing golf
I am dealing with it like an adult! Tonight I`m getting drunk!!!
I only call them yoga pants because Netflix and eat leftovers pants was too long.
You know it´s going to be a bad day when your horoscope starts with.. "Are you sitting down?"
I`m sorry if I looked interested. You probably caught me fantasizing about bacon.
That awkward moment when your parents don’t appreciate the hilarious child they have.
My clothes are 75% off and this is not a sale.
75% of men kiss their wives good bye when leaving the house. 100% kiss their house good bye when leaving their wives.
Here`s an idea...Duck Dynasty Chia Pets
On the bottle of mouthwash it says "24 hour protection", so why do the directions say "Use Twice Daily"?
Having to cash in my State Quarter Collection`s map for gas money is reaching a new low.
Is it too early to start drinking? - some moron with a clock.