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Either I need to up my dosage or my income.
I can still remember a time when I knew more than my phone
Maybe Oscar wouldn`t have been so grouchy if the people on Sesame Street cared about the fact that he`s homeless
Texting totally changes your perception of how long stoplights are.
Iām exhausted just thinking of everything I have to do.
I like to go on drunk facebook post binges, then claim the next day that someone hacked my account.
The grass is always greener over the septic tank
My favorite breed of dog? Good question, thanks for asking. Either a corndog or a hotdog.
Facebook- to help future generations discover if there`s ever been any mental illness in the family.
Sorry for nicking your car with my door, but you didn`t leave much room. It`s small, but I circled it with my key so you could find it.
Today was about as much fun as a warm toilet seat in a public restroom!
People who walk in front of the theatre screen while you`re watching a pirated movie on your computer are so rude.
1. Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait
I`m really sick of responsibility ... and underwear
Hold on I`m about to count my money. Alright I`m done.