Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I have a confession to make. I was born with a rare disease called “Amazing.”
The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won`t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I`ll play mine.
Relationships are like yard sales... They look good from a distance but you get there & realize its just a bunch of sh!t you dont need.
Immature >>> A word boring people use to describe fun people..
What if aliens only abduct crazy people, because nobody will ever believe them?
I just want someone to touch me the way a woman touches a pair of shoes she cannot afford.
If you go for a jog and you don`t post it on Facebook, have you really jogged?
I named my dog "5 Miles" so I can tell people, "I walk 5 Miles every day"
Just completed my sexual harassment training and I think I`m finally ready to start harassing people.
My wife told me I suffer from a lack of imagination. I said, "Yeah? Well you suffer from a lack of imagination." That showed her.
I took a nude photo of myself ... With the light off ... You`re welcome.
My doctor said I need to workout with dumb-bells. Would any of you like to go jogging with me?
I am really glad the shutdown is over. I`ll tell you something, it was very lonely being the only nonessential employee who was working.
Dear karma, I have a list of people you missed.
Bill Gates: A billi a billi a billi JayZ: Half billi half billi half billi Lil Wayne: A milli a milli a milli Me: A dollar a dollar a dollar