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Lying in bed, listening to the Doors. I really should oil the hinges...
Just drove past the house where I lost my virginity. There wasn`t even a plaque or anything. Pretty ridiculous if you ask me.
Relieved to finally get a new microchipped debit card that provides added security to protect the $13.68 in my checking account.
Girl: I am not having having s@x with guys at the moment. Boy:I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue
Life is so much funnier if you have a dirty mind
Apparently somebody gets stabbed every 52 seconds...sucks to be that guy
You know that chick who said, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels?"... Yeah, well I ate her.
As an adult, I’m not eating nearly as much ice cream as 10 year old me thought I would.
is in his own little world but it´s okay they know me here.
Things that don`t kill spiders: 1: furniture polish 2: Febreze 3: butter 4: screaming
Don`t refer to them as voices in your head. Do as the professionals and call them your `team of writers`
Ladies: If he’s right handed, and you find the mouse to the left of the computer monitor, there is only one explanation. Sorry Guys.
There are weight limits on car seats, airlines, skydiving, military, horseback riding, kayaks, and bikes……how is it there are no weight limit on high heels?
People always ask me, where do I come up with my status`, do I make them up, or do I get them from the internet.. Truth is people. I use Status Enhancing Drugs.
My husband told me he needed more space ... So I locked him outside.