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I hit a new low today and used a cheat code on Wii Fit
You can turn anything into a compliment if you`re delusional enough.
The best thing about humans is that many of the richest and most prosperous among us collect bottles of rotten grape juice.
Sometimes I post crazy shit just to see if my friend`s list will drop a few #`s
Was at an Apple store today when I let out a really loud fart. Boy, the employee`s were so mad. Hey, Not my fault they don`t have windows!
Some people can’t sleep because they have insomnia. I can’t sleep because I have Internet.
I bought a huge plastic Christmas tree today! the shop assistant asked me if I was going to put it up myself? I told him "Don`t be stupid, i`m gonna put it in the lounge room"
Two heads aren`t better than one if you`re both stupid.
Sometimes one middle finger isn`t enough to let someone know how you feel. That`s why we have two hands.
Just completed my sexual harassment training and I think I`m finally ready to start harassing people.
If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
Ever notice your Christmas stocking has just enough room for chocolates and a bottle of wine. Coincidence? I don`t think soooo.
Don’t ever laugh in the bathroom it will make people think ur playing with yourself
I hope this coffee gives me the energy to look busy all day.
People go to the bar hoping for 2 things...to get hammered or to get nailed.