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Every woman is beautiful in her own unique way. Sometimes it just takes the right amount of alcohol to see it.
Instead of torturing people for getting information, why don’t they just get them really drunk?
I was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn`t the right answer.
The officer said, "you drinking?" I said, "you buying?" then we both laughed and laughed... And now I need bail money.
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
"Just Be yourself" is something I rarely hear from people who know me well.
If you come to myspace and twitter about my yahoo, can I google over your facebook?
Sometimes there just aren’t enough curse words.
If you pull the pin out of a grenade, can you put it back in and let go? I`m going to need a quick answer for this....
Happy St. Patrick`s Day! I was going to drink anyway!
How come dogs aren’t ticklish?
This century is already 15% over.
I’m not positive that having the TV volume on an odd number will destroy the world, but lets not risk it.
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. So I’m off to find a bar with a mirror.
Starting to think my wife might have a tumor. She`s had a headache for the past 15 years.