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Sticks and stones may break my bones but words... words might hurt me deeply, causing great emotional, mental, and psychological damage leading toward a lowered self-esteem and irregular bowel movements.
Im a leader not a follower... unless its a dark place then f*ck that your going first!
SPOILER ALERT: Rice cakes do not contain any actual cake.
Let me check my giveashitmeter ... nope nothing.
The lyrics for "hush little baby" are basically saying "I will buy you anything if you just shut the hell up"
I just ordered a Life Alert bracelet so if I ever get a life I`ll be notified immediately.
Right now I`m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I`ve forgotten this before.
Looking back at old text messages and Facebook messages and being like "What the hell was I thinking when I said that."
That very akward moment when Shakirah`s hips lie!
This weekends forecast shows a 0% chance of cooking or cleaning, with a good chance of laying around in my pajamas.
Married people always ask when you’re getting married like they get points for recruiting to their club of misery.
Opening the Tupperware cupboard at home should be regarded as an extreme sport.
I guess at a job interview "firing you" is not an acceptable answer when asked where I see myself in a few years.
If you keep bending your iPhone 6 you`ll eventually have a sweet flip phone.
Experience with women has taught me that Jack was most likely pushed down the hill.