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My coworkers should be less concerned about my job performance and just be happy I remember to wear pants each day.
Doctor says I`m morbidly a beast. Thanks doc.
How long do I have to sleep before I`m legally a bear?
I wonder if the clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look! ...that one`s shaped like an idiot!"?
My cat’s gonna be homeless unless he comes up with something funny to post on YouTube.
Thank you Pringles for being the only chip company that doesn`t sell air.
We have so much in common. You want to travel and I want you to go.
i dont like ling distance relationships so i move the fridge to my room
I just bought all six seasons of Hoarders on DVD
If my body is EVER found dead on a designated jogging trail.. Just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.. :|
Do not put off until tomorrow what you can put off indefinitely.
Im so lazy today, I am going to watch fast and furious in slow motion.
At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I’ll never know.
Laughing is the best medicine. But if you’re laughing for no reason, you need medicine.
There’s no excuse for laziness.. but if you find one, let me know.