Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My wife is so annoying. "Do you think I`m sexy? Am I hot? How gorgeous am I? Do I have a nice ass?" I just want her to answer me.
The way my kids act at Walmart, it`s just a matter of time before the security camera footage is a hit reality show!
Whats the best part about dating a homeless chick, ..... You can drop her off anywhere
If I could have dinner with anyone alive or dead I would just have two dinners.
What`s the nutritional value of an entire tube of cherry Chapstick? Asking for my two year old.
Never compliment a woman on her sideburns ... no matter how magnificent they look.
I don`t understand when people say `age is just a number`... Age is clearly a word.
Success, like a fart, only bothers people when its not their own.
I`m bored, I think I`ll ask my boyfriend if I look fat. - women
Saw a boat with a sign that read "For Sale" so I added the missing "-ing"......Idiots can`t spell...
I just fell down the stairs holding a guitar and accidentally wrote a One Direction song.
Hate it when I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket and it’s not even in there.
I may be stupid but im also dumb! :D
If you put a "Student Driver" sign on top of your car, Nobody will ever suspect you of drunk driving.
If your parachute doesn`t deploy, you have the rest of your life to fix it.