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"I like tube tops too, but even tires have pressure limits!
Guess when toothpaste was invented? 1892. Guess when kissing was invented? A DISGUSTINGLY LONG TIME BEFORE THAT.
New camo condoms! She`ll never see you coming again.
Life is too short to be angry and hold grudges. Just slap them in the face and move on!
Sometimes I get road rage standing in lines.
I wish I could afford to be as weird as I wanna be.
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands!
If by "help you cook" you mean drink wine in the kitchen while you do the work, then yes, I`d love to help you cook.
CNN needs to reevaluate the use of Breaking News. Perhaps "Latest Speculative News" or "We Really Don`t Know Shit" would work. CNN call me.
If I look tired at the end of the day, it`s because I just spent eight solid hours looking busy.
When I was a kid, I told my parents I was going to make something of myself. I think they are getting impatient.
You know if you say gullible slowly it sounds like oranges :)
Life should be more like Hockey. If somebody pisses you off, you beat the sh!t out of them, then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes
Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be totally impossible!
It’s not pretty being easy.