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Sometimes all you need is $500 million dollars.
On my tombstone I want it to say: ‘I didn’t forward the text message to 15 friends.” ;)
I have thought a lot about it and I am thrilled to announce that I have decided to never die.
If ignorance really was bliss we`d have a lot more really happy people around here.
No one is ever bored enough to start studying.
May your life one day be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
Is it the S or the C that`s silent in scent?
Im at my classiest when my neighbor catches me begging my dog to sh!t faster because it`s cold.
I’m Not Arguing. I’m Simply Explaining Why I’m Right.
We’ve solved so many world problems, and yet chocolate still has calories.
If you slept with my husband I`d be like "OMG how much do I owe you?"
Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid people
COLLEGE STUDENTS: if you`re looking for a job, your career center lists thousands of openings you don`t have enough experience for.
U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. how many fish do you have?? stop counting smart one fish can`t drown
After socializing and being nice to people all day it`s nice to sit down, drink by myself, and be an a$$hole on the Internet.