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I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.
Love is like hearing your favorite song for the first time. Then listening to it over and over again till you hate that song.
My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking. One cleaning.
I poured some shampoo over my speakers today and they blew up... So much for EXTRA VOLUME.
Shopping at the Dollar Tree makes me feel rich and poor at the same time
What if the lightbulb had never been invented? How would we know when someone has a really good idea?
If my company really wanted us to move during a fire drill, they`d lose the alarm and just announce that there`s free food by the stairs.
We`re shutdown, but not `stop collecting taxes` shutdown. - the government
Still waiting for a criminal on Law and Order to say,,, "Hey,, Aren`t you Ice-T?"
Pregreening - creeping forward while waiting for a red light to change.
I am the head of this household, and I have my wife`s permission to say so.
69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.
Do the right thing today: Go to someone`s profile, scroll down 4 months, and like something.
When someone wants to talk behind your back, FART!
Mosquito`s and parking inspectors must be from the same family...