Daily Silly Status

Honesty is the best policy, but insanity makes for a better legal defense.

Have you hugged you bartender today.

I make way more decisions than I should based on the battery life of my phone.

If you think I hate you ... I probably do.

You are intriguing. You require further stalking, sorry I mean investigation.

One thing I think the world can agree upon… Any day when you can stay in pajamas the whole time is a good day.

I hate it when you`re buying stuff off the Internet and the bank calls to check to see if your card has been stolen. Sure, it seems nice, but then you have to explain to lady on the phone that no, it was not stolen, you really are the one who bought a subscription to bustyblondes.com

I was told that I had an alcohol problem, but I think me and Captain Morgan have it figured out..

Cop cars should play the jaws theme song

Jehovah`s witnesses would probably be welcomed into more houses if they brought booze or cookies.

“Yes” is a perfectly legitimate response when asked how many drinks you’ve consumed.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

I won employee of the month!!!…. again! I love being self employed.

Roses are red, violets are blue. I hate you bye

Is it too early to start drinking? - some moron with a clock.