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Of course it`s you. If it was me I wouldn`t even bring it up.
The downside to posting jokes all the time is that if I posted "Help, I am in an Iranian prison" everyone would be like "haha good one"
My girlfriend would be so mad if he found out that I`m telling people she`s my girlfriend.
Please don`t hastag out loud...
"It`s cold!", "Happy birthday!", "I`m so blessed", "Political rant!"... There, now you don`t have to go to Facebook today. You`re welcome.
Someone told me I`m immature and need to grow up. Guess who`s not allowed in my treehouse now.
Have you ever noticed the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great subway sandwiches.
How come the voices inside of a crazy person`s head never say shit like "hey, go to the gym" or "hey, cure cancer" or "hey, don`t be crazy"?
you know you have a kid personality when you think step brothers is the greatest movie ever.
“My phone’s about to die.” is what I say 30 seconds into every phone call. Just in case!
If you`re looking for happiness, walk to your nearest liquor store.
If I’ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it’s that everyone speaks English after they die.
Are you still bored? Head over to Walmart, take a box of condoms to the checkout clerk, and ask where the fitting room is.
I refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good on TV.