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Olympic Mens Ice Hockey USA vs Canada. Loser keeps Justin Bieber.
Eventually I will find Bigfoot and he will tell me all he knows about Hide & Seek.
This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she`s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
Today I seek some truth and fulfilment but I’ll settle for some bacon.
Here Friday Friday...come on...hurry up! Oh no you don`t! You come when I call you damn it! Get your a$$ over here. ... good boy!
Sorry I kept stopping erratically. I was pumping SCREW YOU in Morse Code with my brake lights.
You don`t know broke until you`ve rinsed off a paper plate.
The Fourth of July was an annual reminder of how useless my dog would be in a war.?
Once you have to start paying a babysitter every time you go out, you realize most friendships aren`t worth it.
Exercise by running up the street knocking on all the doors. - Jehovah`s Fitness.
My favorite word is `apparently`. Makes anything sound sarcastic. He`s intelligent, apparently.
After spending the last week stealing cars and killing people I just found out GTA had missions.
That last phone call with my wife was so boring, I feel like I owe the NSA an apology.
NO, I didn’t say you WERE stupid. I said, you ARE stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.
if sexyness, kindness, sweetness was a crime, You would be the world`s most wanted