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I make way more decisions than I should based on the battery life of my phone.
Maybe the reason Uncle Phil hated Will was because the first thing Will gave him was a $3700 cab ride bill from Philly to Bel-Air.
If you lick the frosting off a cupcake it becomes a muffin, muffins are healthy :) your welcome.
The ultimate home security system is having crappy stuff.
I`m emotionally constipated. I haven`t given a crap in days...
When people tell me "you`re going to regret that in the morning" I sleep in until noon because I`m a problem solver.
It’s amazing how long you can hold your farts at the beginning of a relationship.
Uses 3 gallons of water to rinse out yogurt container so it can go into recycling bin
I found a real money maker in selling homing pigeons....... So far this month I sold mine 4 times.
I only hug people when I need to wipe my hands off.
Today is National animals day, please take a moment to remember your ex :p:p:p.
You don`t get smarter as you get older. There just aren`t any stupid things left that you haven`t already done.
The human body is amazing... You breathe in oxygen and it converts it into sarcasm.
People in Detroit call Grand Theft Auto V "Tuesday"
Do the right thing today: Go to someone`s profile, scroll down 4 months, and like something.