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Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, get wasted all the time and have the time of your life!
My method of going "offline" in FB chat is to simply ignore you.
If you hold out your arms like Frankenstein when walking in a leg brace, people let you cut in line at Starbucks.
I`ve had frozen pizza and delivery pizza in the same day, b!tch you don`t know me.
Guests are coming over for Thanksgiving... Almost time to booby trap the medicine cabinet with marbles.
Every pizza is a personal pizza, if you try hard and believe in yourself.
I avoid online dating sites because they match you up with people who share your interests. I don`t want to go out with a weirdo.
Too bored to do nothing. Too lazy to do anything.
If Facebook changed "poke" to "stab" I would use it all the time.
Facebook- to help future generations discover if there`s ever been any mental illness in the family.
The first step is admitting you’re a problem.
Maybe, just once, someone will call me "Sir" without adding, "You`re making a scene."
I`m not saying I can perform miracles or anything, but when the Taco Bell employee isn`t looking,, I can turn water into Sprite.
I think there should be a mandatory test at 16 that you have to pass and if not, you get neutered or spayed.
Show some cleavage on bad hair days.