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The amount of times I`ve had to say no to the Adobe Updater has totally prepared me to be a parent.
Does the sleeve tat go with my male pattern baldness and pot belly? Asking for a friend.
If you want to ruin a song forever use it for your alarm.
To be Frank, I`ll have to change my name.
No need to thank me for accepting your friend request. We`ll both regret it soon enough.
Don`t forget to get offended today by some retarded sh!t that has absolutely no bearing on your life whatsoever.
buying an old Mercedes Benz so that people may think you have been rich all along
When two people love each other deeply, nothing is impossible. Except deciding on where to eat.
All my friends are getting married and having kids or getting really good at video games.
Sorry a remote fell out when you took off my bra
Statement: "Do you really love me?" True Meaning: "Ive done something stupid and youre going to find out sooner or later."
If your girlfriends cat gets eaten by an angry pitbul terrier, gently singing "The circle of life" into her ear WILL NOT cheer her up.
In your face with a can of mace, make you cry all over the place!!
Not to brag,,,, but legally,,, before something can be labeled "Idiot Proof",,, they have to run it by ME.
Iād steal a doughnut truck and attempt to outrun the cops, just to let people see a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck!