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My neck, My back, My Netflix and my snacks...
Urban Dictionary has saved me from asking so many awkward questions.
I`m sticking to my guns ... I really should have washed my hands after I ate.
Today I made sushi at home for the first time. I subsituted a hotdog for the raw tuna, a bun for the rice, and mustard for the wasabi!
Republicans are red, Democrats are blue. The government is shut down cause neither one gives a damn about you.
You can learn a lot about a woman by watching her load a gun.
I believe in karma, which is why I`m such a d!ck to total strangers, just in case they deserve it.
That awkward moment when you’re yelling at someone and you mess up a word.
My level of sarcasm is to a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.
“I demand a recount.” – Me, in a nugget dispute at McDonald’s.
Dear future boyfriend/girlfriend, where the hell are you?
Do people who exercise not know about ice cream and Netflix?
Don’t be too flattered. If I’ve come up a fun nickname for you, chances are it’s because I’ve forgotten your real name. Sorry, Cowboy.
I’m glad MTV has shows like Teen Mom 3 so girls have good role models besides Miley.
I`m only materialistic when I shop at the liquor store.