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Take my advice, I don’t use it anyway.
I always wonder if the people sitting near me at church every Sunday are unsettled by the fact that I take my communion like a shot of cheap vodka because I`m still in a party mode
My medical ID bracelet says "just let it happen"
I`ve been struggling with my laziness. I can`t decide if I should sit down and do nothing or lie down and do nothing.
If I was a Jedi there is a 100% chance that I would use the Force inappropriately.
Hello customer service, I ate two happy meals and I’m still not happy
My favorite part of the movie The Notebook is where I turned it off and watched Terminator 2 instead.
Don`t forget to turn your clocks back today if you want them to be set to the wrong time.
If practice makes perfect, one day I will make the perfect mistake.
I`m at my most likable before you get to know me.
The most exercise I get from my exercise ball is when I move it around in my apartment so that it`s not in my way.
"..all the king`s horses & all the king`s men couldn`t get Humpty together again" ... What guy thought horses might figure it out?
Don’t you hate when the person you’re Facebook-stalking never updates anything.
If you’re a douchebag, it’s so easy to find the right hat.
I didn`t know until this week that so many people I know are politicians...