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A cash bar on parent-teacher conference nights would be a great fundraiser for schools.
99% sure my soulmate is a piece of pizza.
If you`ve never needed to move to a new city and assume a new identity, then we probably haven`t dated.
Don`t ``Wine and dine`` me ... ``Champagne`` me ... step it up a notch
I exercised once, but found I was allergic to it. My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. Very dangerous.
My dog is entertained chasing his tail and I`m bored with a device that gives me access to infinite knowledge...
Don`t feel bad, alot of people don`t have talent either
If you can´t read this, you´re illiterate.
The best thing about smartphones is that you don`t have to refold maps anymore.
"Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid."
I never finish anyth...............
I don’t think my neighbor watches porn. She asked if I could fix her sink. I’ve been here for an hour and I’m still fixing her sink.
I feel like people who don`t have at least one bottle of expired salad dressing in the fridge, really have their lives together.
I like it when everyone posts on Facebook what they are cooking for diner...it makes my decision on who to drop in on so much easier.
Just read someones status, "Today is the frist day of your life," Thats just stupid, mine was over 45 years ago.. If it was the frist day of your life you wouldn`t be able to read it... Dummy