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Didn`t ya`ll know awkward moments existed before? Damn, its like the Yolocaust all over again...
It`s kill or be killed. Or eat a sandwich. Maybe go for a light jog. Draw a picture of a duck. There are a lot of options out there.
I wonder what Facebook employees do at work to waste time.
Single ? I`m not single, I`m in a long standin relationship with fun and freedom ! ;)
So Monday and Tuesday sucked. But, with the right mix of caffeine, alcohol and mushrooms, Wednesday doesn´t even have to happen at all.
Every once in a while someone really special walks into your life. That person is usually delivering a pizza
When grown-ups tell kids they have a lot of energy, they really mean that they’re being annoying little bastards.
If guys were smart, they’d forget the nightclubs and watch the supermarket for girls who buy frozen dinners and cat food.
My hearing is fine. There`s no need to repeat yourself! I ignored you perfectly well the first time.
I don`t understand why people want a relationship when there`s pizza.
Screw your recommended serving size. You don`t know me.
No means no! Unless she`s dyslexic; then it`s on!
Hey, did you know that in two days, tomorrow will be yesterday!
Sometimes I send status updates from my phone so it looks like I left the house.
I don’t think my inner child is ever moving out.