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There’s nothing wrong with enjoying free samples at the grocery store. Just make sure they’re samples. And free. And it’s a grocery store.
Whenever I hear the phrase `anything is possible`, I giggle and think about someone trying to slam a revolving door :)
The best curve on a girl is her smile ;) ... Lol just kidding!
Today`s Generation: "Omg my parents never let me have anything." via iPhone
If anyone every texts me “who is this” I always respond “Jake from state farm”
I found a dollar in my bed this morning... Following my excitement was a flash of panic as I checked all my teeth
I`m sorry, all I hear is your perfume
I hate it when people hate me without even giving me a chance to give them a good reason to.
I hope manners is the next cool trend.
I`m already an idiot, I just need a village.
I just heard "Eye of the Tiger" and now I`m motivated to conquer the world. Or at least get out of my pajamas.
A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it`s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can`t really touch anything.
my doctor says I have the body of a 20 year old, the mind of a 30 year old and the wisdom of a someone twice my age, to which my husband asked " What did he say about your fat ass?" I said to my husband, "Oh , the doctor didn`t say anything about you dear!".
I`m super lazy today. Which is like normal lazy but I`m also wearing a cape.
Our swear jar is always empty because of all the god damn foul mouthed thieves that live in this f*cking house.