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Iām going to start wearing a whistle around my neck, so I can call penalties on people who piss me off.
My girlfriend would be so mad if he found out that I`m telling people she`s my girlfriend.
I have a fold up treadmill under my fold up bed, so by the time I get the treadmill set up, I`m like "That`s enough exercise for today"
In a thousand years, archeologists will dig up tanning beds and think we fried people as punishment.
Just once Iād like to see someone dropkick the guy grinning and waving behind the news reporter.
Kid, I can take you out the same way I brought you into this world, by making it look like an accident.
I am fluent in three languages: English, Profanity, and Sarcasm
According to my current parking spot, I`m Chief of Police.
The downside of dating intelligent women is having to Google what they call you when it ends badly
Sorry ladies, but I already got my eyes on a woman who`s not interested.
Slowly, Waldo`s wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together
thinks it would be great if we really burped bubbles when we were drunk .. just like in cartoons.
Talking to me this morning is like trying to dribble a ball with not enough air in it.
There is nothing worse then trying to watch porn with a slow internet connection.
Who ever snuck the s in "fast food" was a clever little bastard!