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A wise man once said nothing.
Wishing you a fabulous 2014 that is full of great achievements and experiences. A meaningful chapter waiting to be written HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The real reason I`m not a superhero.... Pockets, I need my pockets.
I`m beginning to think the only reason I buy bananas is to watch them die a painful death on my counter.
Guests are coming over for Thanksgiving... Almost time to booby trap the medicine cabinet with marbles.
Think of me as an idea. A really, really bad idea.
When someone says to me great minds think alike, I just look at them and think “you dirty bastard”.
Why is it that when my wife refers to her friends as "girlfriends" its normal but when i call my male friends "boyfriends" i lose my friends?
I don`t think America should elect a president in 2016. We need to be single for a few years and find ourselves.
The problem with marriage is that it was invented when people lived to the ripe old age of 30.
Be good ... or I will text Santa
A murderer was about to be put to death in the electric chair. "Do you have any last requests?" asked the chaplain. "One," he replied. "Will you hold my hand?"
Hell hath no fury like a girl tagged in an unapproved pic on Facebook.
Doctor told me to lose some weight, and suggested walking.So no more drive through taco bell. Now I park 5 spaces away and walk in
I was at the hospital earlier today and saw a cute girl with a cast on her leg. Naturally, my first thought was "Hey, this one can`t run away..."