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Don’t ask me to kill a spider for you & then criticize my methods. Yes, I had to use a samurai sword, & no, I’m not sorry about your table.
Imagine, for a moment, what you could accomplish if you had the persistence and drive of the Adobe Acrobat Reader updater.
If history repeats itself, I´m totally getting a dinosaur.
I just wanted to say thank you to all the people that have given me a reason to drink this Friday night.
How long have I been working here? ... Ever since they threatened to fire me.
I ordered some bubble wrap online. It arrived in a box surrounded by packing peanuts.
Dont freeze your Common sense in the process of being COOL.
No magician can do a trick that impresses me as much as that ‘take off my bra and make it appear out of my sleeve’ thing that girls do.
Just read a book on quantum evolution. The idea is that quantum mechanics are involved in the process of evolution. I still say go to WalMart and then try to sell me on evolution....
Teens, you should not being getting drunk. You`re annoying enough as it is
Life Insurance: Let me get this right. I pay you until I die, then someone ELSE gets the money?
When someone walks away from me shaking their head, I totally agree.
I assume that a Columbus Day sale means I can just walk into a store and take whatever I want.
Do you ever look through old pictures and wonder, “Where the hell did that shirt go?”
Disneyland. The world’s biggest people trap, built by a mouse.