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That awkward moment when im in the Airport, I walk through the metal detector, and my abs of steel set it off
I am actually impressed by what Lance Armstrong has done. When I was on drugs, I couldn`t even find my bike!
I don`t like making plans for the day, because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.
Damn your Hott!...........................Freaking Sun! lmao =P
I wish I had a dollar for every dollar I don`t have.
Every once in a while someone really special walks into your life. That person is usually delivering a pizza
Doctor said only clear liquids before surgery. Vodka qualifies right?
I would go for a jog today, but it looks like all of these cupcakes expire today as well.
Any woman can make you a Millionaire.. You only have to be a Billionaire first.
If being lazy paid, damn dude I must be a billionaire.
Hawaii is a great place to live if you hate being eligible for contests.
It`s funny how as you get older you relate more to the villains in Disney than the Princesses.
The good thing about listening to a new song is that it doesn’t remind you of anyone.
I would like to publicly apologize to anyone I have NOT offended…I will get to you shortly.
One of the biggest decisions when you go to college is whether to join a fraternity or just be an asshole on your own.