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I like the parts of the day when food happens.
Just got a message that said "Hey, I tried to call you"...that`s your problem right there....you should have never tried that.
I need a hug right now also five hundred thousand dollars in cash.
I think ugly people have children just to prove to everyone they had sex.
Let`s start by taking some notes today. I`m fabulous bitches! Write that down.
If everything goes as planned, tonight I shall drink myself beautiful.
I could be a morning person if morning happened after 11.
My favorite thing about winter...waking up from hibernation!
Being an adult is basically a "choose your own adventure" book, but every choice sounds terrible.
Worried that you may have a stalker? Shut up and just be happy someone likes you.
It could be worse. Spiders could have wings.
If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.
If you`re "just sayin", then just shut the hell up.
I`m not lazy... I`m in energy saving mode.
Do you ever walk out of a bathroom and want to put a sign on the door that says "I was just peeing It smelled that way when I went in there"