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Be the reason someone smiles today. Or the reason they drink. You choose your own adventure.
How could a man who is covered in tattoos be afraid of commitment?
Basketball would be a lot more exciting if each team was allowed one bear.
It`s funny how you think it`s your cat leaving all those dead birds on your doorstep.
Some people can’t sleep because they have insomnia. I can’t sleep because I have Internet.
So, is Dora 18 yet, or what? Asking for a friend.
I wonder how many identical twins are walking around now with the wrong names because their parents got them confused as infants and never figured it out.
This year rather than candy for your valentine why not liquor instead.
Where did all the people walking around with boomboxes in the 80s go? I`m concerned
You can usually judge a women`s hotness by how many times your girlfriend calls her a whore.
Sorry I missed your call ... I was to busy singing and dancing to the ringtone
"That`s close enough..." ~Government worker
I broke a mirror now I`m looking at 7 years bad luck... but my lawyer thinks he can get me off with 3
The biggest lie I tell myself is “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it”
I could scroll down my Facebook page and write a country song!!