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My tombstone will read I should have googled it first.
I`m lucky to be broke at a time when minimalism and sustainability are in style.
Guys, Everyone. Listen. I`m going to say two words that will change your lives. Pizza Tacos. I know. Just breath.
Don`t do drugs. Become a Pop star and they give `em to you FOR FREE!
Having a bit of a lazy day, sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online ... My boss doesn`t look amused
If you`re gonna label the silica gel "do not eat", maybe you should label everything in the box. I almost ate a shoe before someone stopped me
Remember, you can always run from your problems. Unless your problem is a Cheetah.....then you`re screwed!
All i wanna know is how this website knew my name is Guest?
Any guy can seem cool on a motorcycle. If you really want to know what kind of man you`ve got, watch him walk through a spider web.
I`m alone in my car ... Counting it as a vacation.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
Work is the curse of the drinking class.
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, “neighborhood watch” isn’t what I thought it was.
A woman just dropped a 20 dollar bill next to me. I thought, `What would Jesus do?`, so I turned it into wine ... Well, I bought wine.
Cop: Sir what is in the bottle next to you? Man: It`s water *hands the cop the bottle* Cop: Sir, this is wine. Man: Jesus did it again!