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If you keep doing what you´ve always done, you´ll keep getting what you´ve always gotten.
I`m not much on seizing the day, I just kinda poke it with a stick.
Just want to apologize to all the unlucky men that have had to deal with my ex because I dumped her.
There`s no b, c, d, f, g, h, j, k, l, n, o, p, q, r, s, u, v, w, x, y, or z in team either.
I just want someone to touch me the way a woman touches a pair of shoes she cannot afford.
Last New Year my resolution was 1920x1080 , this year it`s to be less of a nerd.
Whoever said, "All men are created equal", has obviously never been to a nude beach
I go on dates just to remind myself that being single is awesome.
Tip to get out of jury duty: Begin every answer with "According to the prophecy."
For Christmas I just want summer...
I get a lot of “You must work out!!!” I just wish it wasn’t from doctors. :(
My mind is like "LETS DO THIS SH!T" but my body is like "calm down motherf*cker"
My beard itches, Web MD: Beard cancer
At least a stalker is there for you.
Today’s forecast.. mostly cloudy with a 99.9% chance of alcohol