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Attempting to guilt me in to doing something, is the surest way to make sure it never happens.
People treat New Year’s like some sort of life changing event. If your life sucks today, it’s probably still going to suck tomorrow ... Just sayin
Two interesting facts for you: 1) Some pine cones look like poop. 2) I`m never kicking anything wearing flip flops again.
Bigger isn`t always better. Thighs, for example.
The best way to scare a man is to use the urinal stall next to him. This works exceptionally well if you are a woman.
I`m so old, I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign And before that ... we used to play Tic-Tac-Toe on that sh!t.
It`s amazing how the lowly potato gives us potato chips, french fries, and vodka. Get your sh!t together, every other vegetable.
If you`re able to roll over in your grave, you should save that energy for yelling and digging.
Surgery is just stabbing someone to life.
Don´t be stupid, it´s not smart.
St Patricks Day, when you can eat lucky charms dowsed in beer and everyone thinks..great idea!
I hate driving so much that I even ring for taxis on grand theft auto.
"That`s close enough..." ~Government worker
i didn`t know i had a facebook account until now
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because you were able to steal 12 of his hoodies.