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Drying out wet fireworks in the oven is not a good idea. Trust me on this
I hate buying feminine products! How am I supposed to know if this is the right kind of broom or not?
Nothing says "I dont take you seriously" like your dog wagging his tail when you`re yelling at him.
I don`t believe in karma, but I do believe in punching people in the face.
Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.
There`s no panic like trying to press "End" when you make an accidental call.
I am not as think as you drunk I am
I try to avoid trouble but I think it likes me.
After the doctor left the exam room from my prostate exam. The nurse came in with three words I didn`t want to hear. "Who was that?"
I Like this quote. I dislike this quote. I am so clever that sometimes I don´t understand a single word of what I am saying.
My illusion of having the Force is crushed the minute the remote is slightly out of reach.
What idiot called him Alexander Graham Bell instead of Lord of the Rings
Don`t get out of bed, it`s a trap.
The good thing about listening to a new song is that it doesn’t remind you of anyone.
I think the lady at the movies is "shushing" me, but I can`t tell because I`m eating Doritos.