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If Miley doesn`t get her sh!t together, all these Hannah Montana collectibles are never gonna get my kids through college.
I`ve actually have come to the conclusion that some of today`s youth may actually believe "laughing out loud" is actually spelled "lol"
I’m a proud supporter of messy hair and sweatpants.
It’s strange to think that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals desperately trying to get laid.
There are 2 types of people in this world, those who press “door close” in the elevator before others can jump on & those who are liars.
I really need to clean the house, but I`m thinking it`d be a lot faster to burn it down and start from scratch...
Australian kiss. It`s kind of like a French kiss, but down under.
I know I`m an adult now, but I still hold out hope that money will fall out of every card I get.
Time flies when you`re throwing watches.
Screaming out "BOOM PREGNANT!" during sex is never as funny as you think it will be.
I enjoy a bit of unnecessary swearing as much as the next f*cker.
If you want to take a bank teller out on a date, just ask her. Don`t slip her a note at the window. Trust me on this.
The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not have brains is great news for stupid people.
I just had Déjà vu...and you were an asshole both times.
I`m trying to give up sexual innuendos. But it`s hard........so hard......