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Never assume coz u wil make an "ass" out of "u" and "me"
It appears that autocorrect has become my worst enema.
Does it count as saving someone`s life if you just refrain from killing them?
Hey you know what will go good with all that beer you just drank? Social media and a camera phone!
I just apologized to my wife for something she did wrong. Marriage is fun.
If a bra is called an `Over the shoulder bolder holder,` then would you call men`s underwear `Under the butt nut hut?`
i don`t know what to say on your comment so i just hit "like" so you won`t be upset that ignored you.
I wonder what I did in a previous life to get reincarnated as me...
Me: *kisses her on both cheeks goodbye* Cashier: That`s really not necessary
Billion dollar idea: A phone that charges using body fat!
You know you are the ugly one if they ask you to take the photo.
You say illegal, I say added to my bucket list.
I just had a threesome in the shower with Johnson and Johnson.
If you think buying condoms is awkward, you should try returning them.
People say that I have no idea what hard work is. That`s not true! I know exactly what it is... How do you think I avoid it so easily?