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I´m not cheap, but I am on special this week
Married 24 years now. All I recall about my wedding day is something about death.
Marriage: It`s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can`t really touch anything.
The biggest problem with two-faced people is, never knowing which face to slap first.
My weekends are basically just spent splitting a bloomin` onion with my bros at Outback Steakhouse while trying to figure out why girls don`t like us.
I remember when vodka was just vodka flavored ...
Let’s all take a moment and be thankful spiders can’t fly.
A man tried to sell me a coffin today. I told him that`s the last thing I need.
Why would I pay someone to scare me at a haunted house when I could just open a can of biscuits at home?
The best part about being an adult is, nobody can tell you, you can`t have ice cream for breakfast.
Turns out, I`m not an afternoon person either...
Her profile said she was a stone cold freak. Turns out she was just a wrestling fan with bad capitalization skills. :(
Women.Some men undermine, disrespect and consider them weak,forgeting the countless spanks they got from their mothers
I have read so much about the dangers of drinking and smoking, that i have decided to quit reading
I wouldn`t say I`m a stalker so much as I am a covert observation enthusiast.