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People treat New Year’s like some sort of life changing event. If your life sucks today, it’s probably still going to suck tomorrow ... Just sayin
Reasons to get out of bed: Food.
Just realized the laundry detergent has been in the refrigerator for 3 days, in case you`re looking for a business manager.
I don`t smoke,i don`t drink,don`t do drugs. I only have one small problem, i lie.
The awkward moment when you have 10 tabs open and cannot figure out which one the music is coming from.
Got interrupted downloading the new version of iTunes by a pop up that asked if I wanted to download the even newer version of iTunes.
Is it bad that "WINE" is always on my grocery list? At the top? In all caps?
Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
"How`s phone reception in the bathroom?" is an important question, but one you just can`t ask on a job interview.
Haircuts are great because I did none of the work but get all of the credit.
People don`t call each other jive ass turkey enough nowadays.
Chaos, panic and disorder. My work here is done.
Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is go to bed.
Tonight I`m playing hard to get off the sofa.
Beer never asks me if I think another beer is prettier than it.