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Life is basically trying to meet better people than the ones you currently know.
Cop: This is a ticket for drunk and disorderly behavior. Me: Can I have another? I`d like to bring a guest.
Sometimes entire relationships can only be described as "that weird thing I did for a while."
Everyone can stop painting. We all have cameras that can take perfect pictures of everything.
Don´t believe all the rumours you hear about me, the truth is much worse.
Calling someone a drama queen is so negative. Why not "content creator"?
Sometimes I feel that I need someone special to complete me, but then I have a pizza and I`m like, "Nope. I`m good."
Why do the commercials with the husband and wife doing a home improvement project never show the fistfight?
Just bent over to pick up a beer that rolled out of the fridge and realized yoga is exhausting
PMS = Prepare to Meet Satan.
Sometimes I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
If money grew on trees, Congress would actually care about the environment.
Great friends never let you do stupid things......alone
You ever want to just grab someone and say, WTF is wrong with you?
If I was just learning English and you told me a sport called BOXING takes place in a SQUARE area called a RING, I`d probably give up.