Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`d like to give a special thanks to my feet for supporting me and to my arms for being by my side at all times.
Movies are so unrealistic. This guy`s using his computer to access an alien ship & not once has it asked if he wants to upgrade his Adobe.
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
I still remember the first time I lied about being able to time travel... It was 3 weeks from tomorrow.
Exaggerations went up a million percent last year.
Tip of the day: When the cop asks you if you had anything to drink in the last 24 hours, do NOT ask them for the time... trust me
I love when bill collectors ask if you can borrow the money...uh I did that before and I think we both know how that turned out.
I hear voices ... and they don`t like you.
If I`m in a public bathroom and someone else in that same bathroom is on the phone and states that they are ANYWHERE ELSE, I flush my toilet
Really offended that these microwave instructions told me to turn my burrito over gently like I don`t treat every burrito with the utmost respect
Since light travels faster than sound, isn`t that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
Keep the dream alive, hit the snooze button.
I swear, if Facebook changes their layout one more time, Iām going to post a status update about it & then use their site as much as always.
Do you ever walk out of a bathroom and want to put a sign on the door that says "I was just peeing It smelled that way when I went in there"
They need to put more spider poison in hairspray.