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I smile when I`m having dirty thoughts :)
When people with multiple personality disorders are about to die, whose life flashes before their eyes?
This beer tastes like future mistakes.
If you can say "I made six figures last year," you either have a well paying job or you`re the worst employee at a toy factory
The irony of all this is, the internet was created to save us time…
Admit it, at some point in time you’ve tried to see if you had superpowers.
Why do we feel safe under blankets? It`s not like a murderer will come in thinking "I`m gonna ki..- ahh damn! He`s under a blanket
I wish I could commute by roller coaster.
I get so tired of the same old BS...can´t I get a little BS variety?
I hate being bi-polar. It`s awesome.
Somewhere in a parallel universe, I hope there’s a giant dog with a tiny woman in its purse.
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don`t know. Inspirational post are hard.
Don’t be scared of making changes. Be scared of living the same shitty life because you didn’t change. And spiders. Be scared of them too.
I’m not saying I need to manscape, but when I get an erection it looks like Pinocchio has joined the Taliban.
Sure, I`ll show up at your Halloween Party... I`ll be coming as the invisible man....