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If I had a time machine, I’d probably just use it so I wouldn’t have to throw out so many bananas.
If by sexy you mean me licking the donut icing off my fingers then yes I can be damn sexy.
Thank you, True Crime, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn`t stop that murder.
Nothing says poor life choices like the guy with the half smoked cigarette behind his ear
If I were the guy who made the Where’s Waldo books I would have totally made a page where Waldo wasn’t there.
My favorite Yoga Pose is the Upward Facing Couch Potato.
I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can`t figure out who`s going to do it.
How much time has to pass before grave robbing is considered archaeology?
If you can`t handle your alcohol I would gladly help you out
Haircuts are great because I did none of the work but get all of the credit.
Nobody tell my husband that "year round periods" aren`t a thing.
When people stare at me, I assume its because they are taking notes on how to be a bad a$$ motherf*cker.
:): The Bipolar smiley face
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild.
If you kept one of those jars where I`d have to put in a quarter every time I swore, you would be a billionaire by the end of the week.