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There`s nothing as wonderful as waking up in the morning next to a gorgeous smiling face. So I keep a mirror next to my bed.
I want the job where you push scared skydivers off the plane.
Well bugger... Just realised the plant ive been watering for 2 years is fake.
Is "blowjob" one word or two words? God I hate writing thank you cards. -Bfanch
Normal people scare me ... But not as much as I scare them. :)
My wife sure is picky for someone who married me.
The next person I hear say “I love fall” is getting choked out with a scarf soaked in pumpkin spice latte.
*puts selfie on top of christmas tree because I am the star*
You made several good points, and I understand that you are right, but the way you said it was so douchey I have to take an opposite stance.
Monday :`( Tuesday :-( Wednesday :- Thursday :-/ Friday :-| Saturday :-) Sunday B-)
Suddenly my prison fantasy football league just got real.
Nice try, self-checkout lane. There`s not even any mirrors.
I`ll bet whoever said "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" had just farted
Doormats are a gateway rug.
It`s not stalking if you love them!