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I wanna see Mythbusters do the bible.
I wish I would of asked if she believed in sex after marriage
A cop just pulled me over -- asking if I knew my tail light was out? I said, `Uh uh. I drive on the inside of my car`
People say that marriage is a job...marriage is not a job, its a hobbie!! Dating while you`re married...that`s a job!!
Every woman needs a shoulder to cry on, a shoulder to lean on and a shoulder to hold her bra strap on!!!
My favorite form of lying to myself is choosing a deodorant scent that contains the words `active` or `sport` in it`s name
I should win an Oscar for acting like I`m busy at work.
I bet short people get really excited when they accidentally hit their head on things.
I took a sexual harassment course this afternoon ....I think I`m gonna be pretty good at it.
I need to borrow someones kid for Halloween. I miss free candy.
Fact: if you give your boyfriend a bj each time you act crazy, he`ll not only forgive you,but eventually be thrilled when you act nuts.
Just once I want someone to make a movie that’s sideways on the screen so I can watch it laying down without getting a kink in my neck.
Whenever you`re feeling down and in the dumps, just remember...the rest of us have been feeling that way about you too!
Our swear jar is always empty because of all the god damn foul mouthed thieves that live in this f*cking house.
Handy tip for new parents : Wake up your baby by gently resting your head on a pillow.