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Drying out wet fireworks in the oven is not a good idea. Trust me on this
You know vacation should be over when all you do is sit around naked, drinking fruity malt liquor beverages
Thought I saw a kangeroo today turned out to be a greyhound taking a dump !
If a woman shaves her legs for you, at least every other day, in the Winter time, it`s Love.
Why do they waste so much money on all the checkout lanes at Walmart, when they only have two of them open at any given time.
I told my daughter we might be getting a blizzard and she asked for one with Reese`s pieces
Happiness is using an ATM and finding a receipt left by someone with an account balance lower than yours.
My problem? Smart phones are too smart.
I never said "you were stupid" I said "you are stupid", there`s nothing past tense about it!
The only way I`ll ever run a marathon is if I set up the booths and hand out tags.
What idiot called it a driver`s test and not a Game of Cones?
I consider "Not Dishwasher Safe" to be more of a challenge than a warning.
You never know what you have until you clean your room.
Every Girls Night Out has at least one crier.
Being fabulous all day makes me really, really tired