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I downloaded this app called "Hide & Go Seek". Ever since then I cant find my damn phone.
I helped my girlfriend with the dinner last night. I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
"You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry" - me practicing for a successful relationship.
You learn something new everyday and if you didnt know that then you just did.
Whenever I hear the phrase `anything is possible`, I giggle and think about someone trying to slam a revolving door :)
watching porn is like finding happiness in other enjoyment.....
Until they get this spell-check problem with the iPhone fixed, it would be best not to text your wife and tell her she is looking fit.
Friends with benefits? What, like you can provide dental insurance?
*Australian accent* Notice the wife in her natural habitat shaming the male husband species into doing what she wants!
I took part in the sun tan world championships this weekend. I got bronze.
Some people`s lives are like open books... Mine is like a trashcan without a lid.
We have cars that park themselves but I still gotta wave my hand 15 times before a paper towel comes out the dispenser
Honey, tact is for people who aren`t witty enough to be sarcastic.
A new study has found that men have a hard time reading women`s facial expressions. Main reason? They usually aren`t looking at her face.
Does this floor Iām laying on make me look unmotivated?