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life is unfair theres 6 days between monday and sunday but only 1 between sunday and monday
Caterpillars have the ideal life. They eat a lot and then sleep for a while and wake up beautiful.
Well your honor, I thought handing her the curling iron while she was showering would get her ready faster.
I don`t know why friends and family keep getting pregnant when I have two kids right here they can have.
I don`t understand why people have to "get ready" for bed....I`m always ready for bed.
Remember…it’s only embarrassing if you care what people think.
Relationship Status: eating
Why are clothes so expensive? I shouldn`t have to pay so much to not be naked. Other people should pay me not to be naked.
Whenever I meet a new girl, I introduce myself by shaking hands with my left hand. I don’t want her to meet her competition right away.
There’s gotta be a better use for the part of my brain that remembers every word to “Baby Got Back.”
Just got back from a job fair. Very disappointed. They didn`t have one damn ride.
I`ll always be here for you ... Unless we run out of beer, and someone has some over there. Then I`ll be over there for you.
They say you are what you eat. I don`t remember eating a sexy beast this morning...
"Hey bro shotgun this beer" No I don`t drink "You wanna be cool don`t you?" I don`t drink "C`mon NERD!" Grandma PLEASE stop
If you want to talk to me on the phone, I need at least three days notice.