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Between Criminal Minds, CSI, Law and Order, Castle, and Monk...I am now fairly confident I can get away with pretty much anything.
The 5 second rule for food dropped on the ground does not work if you have a 2 second dog.
A friend of mine asked what it`s like to raise a small toddler so I coughed directly in his mouth
The reason good men are hard to find is because they`re usually too busy working.
The older I get .... The more dangerous it is to sneeze
Dear person reading this, I could be naked right now and you would never know.
Don`t invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.
There are dozens of different flavors of ramen noodles, but they all taste like poverty and loneliness.
If I’ve learned anything in my twenty-two years on this earth, it’s that it’s okay to lie about your age.
That awkward moment when u start telling a story only to realise no one is listening so you slowly fade out and pretend to have said nothing.
I have difficulty sleeping at night because I lay awake obsessing over life`s mysteries, like how exactly does paper beat rock.
I just threw a piece of food on the floor of my cubicle. Totally forgot my dog doesn`t work here.
If cartoons can wear the same clothes everyday then so can I, dammit!
I just saw a 3D printer at the UPS store. It`s kind of cool, but I won`t be impressed until it can print snacks...
Thinks that some of you make impulsive, poor thought out decisions. We should totally hang out more!!!