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I asked my kid “do you know why we have a Thanksgiving holiday?” He said, “Sure! It’s so we know when to start Christmas shopping!”
A walk in the woods helps me relax and release tension. The fact that I am dragging a body should be entirely irrelevant.
I used to drink a lot in the 80s. Then I realized, who cares what the temperature is?
Two Best Advices For Safe Life : 1. Always Speak The Truth, No Matter How Bitter Harsh It Is ... 2. Run Immediately After Saying It..
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
I don`t really work, I just kinda stand around and be awesome.
I gauge a person’s wealth by the level of protection on their iPhone. No case, huge salary.
I told everyone at work that I have a twin so that when I see them in public I won`t have to talk to them.
It’s not that I don’t want kids, it’s just that I don’t want a minivan.
Sometimes, I wonder if the weather app on my phone even looks outside.
Most meteorologists are men. That`s why when they say we`re going to get 6-8" of snow, we only get 2 or 3.
Is the "D" in Donkey Kong a typo? It should have been Monkey Kong right? These are the things that keep me up at night.
It`s been an exhausting day of pretending I`m a pleasant person.
Are you bored? Go to someone`s Facebook wall, Scroll down 4 months and like something.
Why is it all the good things in life are either illegal, immoral, impossible, addictive, or fattening?