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All women want is to have a relationship with an intelligent man. The only problem is, intelligent men don’t get into relationships.
Life is too short to be angry and hold grudges. Just slap them in the face and move on!
My kids can be difficult sometimes, but my mom always assures me that I deserve it.
Urgh..I just dropped my phone, are you guys alright?
I swear, watching people at a 4-way stop sign is like watching `Night at the Roxbury.` "Him? Me? Oh Me? Me or Him?"
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication!
If I procrastinated any harder right now, it would have to involve time travel.
“Grandbrother” sounds much cooler than uncle.
Is it "poon tang", or "poontang"? I`m trying to update my Christian Mingle profile.
My stalker twisted his ankle, so now I have to walk slower for 2-3 weeks.
How does one get suspended with full pay and benefits? Asking for a friend who is actually me.
I`m not anti-social I`m just pro leave me the f*ck alone.
I put the whiskey in another room ... Exercise regimen established.
Isn`t it weird that a vacuum cleaner isn`t something that is used to clean vacuums?
So, All my exes live in Texas; Exactly, how does one go about scheduling a tornado ?