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You never know a person until you walk in their shoes, or until you check their browser history.
Some people need to calm down, take a deep breath and then hold it for 20 minutes.
Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say, “Close Enough.”
I`m glad people are exercising but I want to see cooler activities posted on FB. Like "I spent 1 hour wrestling a bear. 110 calories burned."
If you can`t think of a word, say "I forget the English word for it". That way people will think you`re bilingual instead of an idiot.
If you are noticing this notice, you will have noticed this notice is not worth noticing
When life gets you down, just remember: It’s never too early or too late for a nap.
if your an astronaut, and you don`t end a relationship with "look, I just need space.." then your wasting everyones time
Girls who don`t get naked when you`re drunk.. Explain yourselves.
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place to have sex.
Today`s Big Idea: Coffee eye drops.
I`d probably get a lot more done if it wasn`t for me.
I know I don`t look like it but I`m really good looking!
When buying a flat screen tv, always remember to put the box in your neighbor’s trash so you don’t get robbed.
Im switching some friends from my Facebook account to my Fakebook account.