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Adam: Eve, you read the terms and conditions before using that Apple product right? Eve: Uh yeah, totally
I always stop to help women broke down. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how a good porno starts off!
SCIENCE FACT: If you close your eyes, you won`t be able to see.
My New Year`s resolution for 2014 is to do something about my procrastination.
If you are naughty go to your room, if you wanna be naughty go to mine :)
My ex-wife once left a note on the fridge: "It`s not working. I can`t take it anymore. Gone to stay with Friends." I opened the fridge, the light came on, and the beer was cold. Not sure what she was talking about!
Never send in a beer to do the work of a tequila shot.
What do crickets hear when they have an awkward silence?
Before asking a hot chick out, I wish I could first talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
The longest yard for me is that space between me and the nacho dip
Anyone want to be fake engaged for two hours so we can eat cake samples?
Yes, my attitude could stand some improvement but my insurance does not cover those meds.
There I was, watching a advertisement when a YouTube video rudely interrupts it...
Bored? Simply send a text to a random number saying "I`m pregnant"
Good Morning! A fresh cup of hot coffee and my FB page is up, just look at that, I already achieved all my goals for the day.