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Do trolls even live under bridges anymore? Or have they all relocated to the Internet?
I`m never more nervous than when I tell a doctor what I actually eat.
I want someone to look at me the way I look at chocolate cake.
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food colouring. The doctor says I`m alright, but I feel like, well, like I`ve dyed a little inside.
"I`m only having one" ...said by many, practiced by none.
I get more excited seeing my luggage on a baggage carousel than I do seeing a person I know.
When people put pics of their vacation on FB I write: I saw fire trucks outside your house but I`m sure you already know, have a great time!
Shout out to people wondering what the opposite of in is.
A normal person is just someone you don`t know well enough yet.
Life hack: You can park wherever you want if you put your hazard lights on and take your tire off.
Retirement plans compared .. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left. If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for recycl
I`m going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.
How many exercise/workout videos does a person have to buy before seeing results?
I just slid off the couch and lay on the floor for a while and eventually sat up without using my hands, is that a yoga class?
Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes.