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The Bible is pretty accurate...Especially when thrown at close range.
Anyone know when Facebook is sending us our W-2`s?
Yes officer, the person who robbed me was a woman 25-30, at least 5`9, a brunette and definitely single. Can you arrange a line up please
One person forgetting to take their medication can really liven up a mundane day at the office.
I just found handcuffs, a whip and a mask in my girlfriend’s bedroom. I can’t believe she’s a super hero.
"I`m sorry" and "I apologise" mean the same thing...except when you`re at a funeral.
I generally don`t hang out with people who are missing digits on their feet. It`s not that I`m a jerk. I`m just lack-toes intolerant.
Why do they call it "hiring a hitman" and not "ordering takeout"
Paying bills is fun and easy when you have a bottle of wine and a shredder.
I can`t remember if I have any repressed memories.
If spiders ever come to the realization that people are terrified of them, we`re f*cked.
Good for you, people that do things.
Whenever I fill out a job application with a box for "Race," I add a question mark and then write, "Anytime. Anywhere."
It’s a status….not your diary…
I like working from home. It`s much more comfortable than sleeping in my cubicle.