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2003: Fear that ppl from the internet will find me in real life. 2013: Fear that ppl from real life will find me on the internet.
By 5, the human child can walk and feed itself, but doesn`t yet stray from home, as it relies on parents for tablet charging and maintenance
If you are having anxiety over something you`ve said or done, just remember that 90% of the world only cares what you look like.
If I truly posted what was on my mind ... I´d most likely be in a psychiatric hospital right now.
I wake up every morning with the joy & excitement of wanting to go directly back to sleep.
A plus side to being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas and I won’t judge you because I too will be in my pajamas.
Alcohol goes in ... Happiness comes out.
NO, I didn`t say you WERE stupid. I said, you ARE stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.
I`m not saying Goldilocks was a piece of sh!t, but she broke into someone`s house and just started eating their breakfast.
Most problems can be solved with nudity.
Whenever my wife sings I have to go outside. Not to get away from her, but to prove to my neighbors I`m not beating her.
What if "I`m coming out with a new scent" was just a way for famous people to warn others that they were about to fart?
When someone yells stop, I don`t know if it`s in the name of love, it`s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen.
Shout-out to nature for not giving wings to snakes
If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic.