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I`m amazed at the mileage my car is getting. I`m still running off the same tank of gas I bought last year!
Guinness for breakfast because its Ireland somewhere.
I`m proud of anyone who has quit doing drugs and alcohol, I don`t want to hang out with you now but I`m still proud...
I am a very tolerant person until you think differently than me. Then I act like a spoiled little brat.
If you`re going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
Apparently when a trainer asks you why you want to get in shape and you answer "revenge" it will raise a couple eyebrows.
When you consider names for your baby, it`s important to try out the middle name in an angry voice.
The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off
I always wrap someone`s fist bump with my high five because paper beats rock.
I have a fear of elevators, but I have an even greater fear of exercise.
If all men are created equal then why are there midgets?
Relationship status: sleeping in my bed diagonally.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend.......who`s in with me?
If you hold a 40oz bottle to your ear you can hear the ghetto.
When I get married I plan on introducing my spouse as my ex-fiancé just to mess with people.