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Bigger isn`t always better. Thighs, for example.
I solve my problems by blatantly ignoring them and going on the internet.
What if plants could talk but they are still in shock from seeing the dinosaurs?
I Googled, “Who gives a sh!t?” and I was not in the search results.
I am used but in good condition.
My dog can`t hear me yelling at him to stop chasing squirrels, but he can hear a damn cheese wrapper from 500 miles away
"Goodbye, everyone. I`ll remember you all in therapy." -Me, leaving a family reunion.
eHarmony should be more like Amazon “customers who slept with Tina172 also slept with LuvinLife_83, TaintMisbehavin, and Cat_Lover03?.
I`m confused by this "It`s 5 o`clock somewhere" statement. Bars open at 11. Idiots.
Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. You know…like Thursday.
Jesus, take the wheel. Carlos, you take the stereo & I`ll take lookout.
They`ll find Bigfoot before they find a Smoothie store that`s been open for more than 2 years.
Love your enemies; after all, you made them!
"It`s not about who`s right or wrong."~ The person that is wrong
What does "it" mean in the sentence "What time is it?"?