Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Step 1: Remove food from packaging. Step 2: Throw out packaging Step. 3: Dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time, Repeat steps 2 & 3 as necessary
When a woman says, "I`m NOT crazy" *clapping her palms together per syllable* That`s universal for, "You`re going to die."
I’m not fat... my stomach is 3D.
I need to stop making things more complicated than they need to be. I`m adding that to my bucket Power Point presentation.
Going to tattoo shop to get both legs fully covered. Before he touches me with that needle, I run off yelling `thanks for the free shave loser!`
"are you as bored as I am?" if you read that backwards, it still makes sense.
How can Wal-mart have a bazillion carts and everyone with at least one wobbly wheel?
Roses are red, Violets are blue... Sunflowers are yellow. I bet you thought this would be something sweet and charming, but it`s just some garden facts.
I’m not going to vacuum until Sears makes one you can ride on.
“Let’s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise” – sports fans
The only hunger games i care about involve plastic hippos.
Friends are like condoms… they protect you when things get hard.
Her profile said she was a stone cold freak. Turns out she was just a wrestling fan with bad capitalization skills. :(
Girl are you a University of Phoenix degree because I`m pursuing you online and from my couch
When non-smokers come to My house....I ask them to stand outside while I have a smoke