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Sometimes late at night, I dig a hole in the back yard to keep the nosey neighbor`s guessing.
I am a very tolerant person until you think differently than me. Then I act like a spoiled little brat.
I think stupid people were put on this planet to test my anger management skills.
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all.
Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop and where to spend it
If it wasn’t for caffeine I wouldn’t be a functioning member of society.
"A vodka, please" "Sir, this is McDonald`s" "OK, a McVodka, please and super size it."
It’s a strange moment, when you realize that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals, birds, and insects desperately trying to get laid.
Why are we still testing on animals when there are pedophiles in prison.
The next time the creepy guy at the bar asks you "Why aren`t you smiling?" simply reply, "I don`t smile while I fart."
I don`t always get to drink free beer... But I just happen to know my neighbor went to the night shift, and I saw him filling his fridge today.
Of course you have a right to your own opinion. Just like I have a right to tell you to shove it up your a$$.
Dr. Seuss could have been the greatest rapper ever.
It`s never good when Human Resources sends you an email and the subject line is "Your Facebook Activity".
I wonder if these beers are performance enhancing. I’m feeling pretty awesome!!