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Testing.. Testing.. This is a test. If this were an actual ploy for attention.. I would`ve said "bacon" or "boobies."
I always get naked before I get in bed so I don`t know why this lady at Sears is giving me a dirty look in the mattress section.
I’ve never been in love but I imagine it’s similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food.
Whenever I check my weight, I always subtract 5 pounds. I don`t think that boobs and brains this fabulous should count against me.
I hate it when I walk through a metal detector, and my abs of steel set it off.
When God closes a door, it usually has my fingers in it.
Life would be so much more fun if there were random Dukes of Hazzard style car ramps along the drive to work.
Two years ago I became a proud parent. My kid is 6, but they were kind of a pain those first four years.
I suspect my gravestone will have a pretty serious urine discoloration not long after I`m gone.
There is no evidence that exists that life should be taken seriously.
My wife`s credit cards were stolen last week. I haven`t reported it yet though...because so far, they are spending less than she was.
Having a bit of a lazy day! I`m sitting in my underwear looking for better jobs online ... My boss doesn`t look amused.
I was going to exercise this morning, but then all the sprinkles would fall off my cupcake.
I`m tired of doing math. I guess I`ll get my lazy as up and fix my clocks today
It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them,The police call it indecent exposure but whatever...