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Don’t tell me what to do unless you’re naked.
I`m really wanting to sit and watch a movie with my boyfriend. Can anyone recommend a good boyfriend?
Got kicked out of the hospital. Apparently the “head nurse” is just the one in charge of the other nurses.
You can always tell the guys that masturbate a lot by looking at their hands. If you look close enough you can see their wedding ring.
My panic room is a walk-in beer cooler at the liquor store.
Lazy Fact #69302246777573 - You were too lazy to read that number.
Do u ever have the urge to tell someone to shut up even when they arent talking?
I`m feeling about as useful as a stoplight in Grand Theft Auto.
Yeah he`s still bugging me...he thinks Harass is two words.
If cats could talk, they`d probably always be correcting your grammar.
If you see me laughing like a crazy person, think nothing of it ..it`s just the voices in my head telling me jokes!
I wish Facebook wasn`t the only place I could block people from my life.
More people would drink responsibly if there was a brand of beer named Responsibly.
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
Some people are too chipper early in the morning. They don`t realize how bad it is for their health.....until I`m choking them