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I always like to keep a nice photo of myself for my Facebook profile pic because that is the picture that will be splashed all over the news when I finally go off the deep end.
I decided to go on a road trip and not come back till I ran out of money... I made it to the end of the driveway.
Shout out to Pringles for never giving us a half can of air.
I`m changing my voicemail greeting to: Please hang up and text me, thanks. ;)
My house looks like I`m losing a game of Jumanji.
Have you seen that new golf ball that will automatically go in the hole if it comes within 4in of it. DO NOT carry it in your back pocket!
Having kids is like being at a press conference: "No, you can`t put the dog in the washer - next question." "No, you can`t really fly -next"
You know you`re getting old when cops make you feel safe instead of nervous.
Sad Fact- Boobie traps seldom involve boobies.
Felt like being Bad today, like an Outlaw Bad, felt like doing something illegal, so I ran through the house ripping off all the Mattress Tags..... Come and get me Coppers, but you won`t take me alive.......................
Mondays are middle finger approved
i just peed so hard that I laughed a little bit
My kids constantly yell at me whenever I try take their pictures, and I tell `em: "You`re gonna need them in 20 years for your Throw Back Thursdays updates"..... whatever!!
That awkward moment when you are killing it on Mario Kart & then realize you are looking at the wrong side of the screen.
You know you’re a mom, when someone says they have a stomach ache and you ask if they pooped today.